notebk


NOTES TOWARDS

Pain like the stretching desert but what desert? The desert of fiction? Body extended, limitless, with extremes of temperature - night but light, white surfaces. And the sand-man in my eyes? Is that where it came from? No not really the unbounded and hot and cold seem more the edge to the idea, the stimulus. Shifting sands as pains contour changes, covering worlds.

Legs Walking Thinking of pain, extra experiences given to those with pain. And the magic qualities assigned to some disabled people in other cultures. What was the magic for them? What is magic for me?
Legs containing... sculpted legs collaged onto... An investigation into legs. Slides, to express a feeling, a state of mind. How to connect?

Space and time altered by pain, understanding of 'body' through pain. Pain and time the reclaiming of my experience as pain. Time, how it's altered, when experience is the varieties of extended pain.
Where/what the 'language' to discuss it, understand it?
Some of what we experience might be the same but how we experience them is different,
because we're different.
Mind flowing out behind her, curling round to be in front. Moving on pain, pain moves her.
Pain changes, it is also at any one time not one continuous thing, it has subtle variations and is different. Sometimes gradations, sometimes contradictions of pain going on, particularly with movement and, in the end, it's these contradictions which are the movement. Not the limb moved creating the pain, there don't seem to be limbs really, not in the accepted sense in which people speak of them.

Why shouldn't my experience of myself be equally valid, as no one else as ever experienced being me.

I can look in a mirror or I can look down to my legs, that isn't the same as how I experience being in me. Pain is more a reality to me than the conventional physical way legs and arms of are talked of. This isn't the way I understand or perceive myself. There's a way of being seen, with perhaps only subtle variations according to the viewers mood (though even this perception isn't an absolute reality, we see what we're conditioned to 'see'), but my understanding of myself is forever changing.


1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | 19 | 20 | 21 | 22 | 23 | 24 | 25 | 26 | 27 | 28 | 29 | 30 | 31 | 32 | 33 | 34 | 35 | 36 | 37 | 38 | 39 | 40 | 41