oversee




One of the images was published in a magazine - no context
With this issue we were given a free fly, a real fly, a dead fly,
in a plastic packet - publicity for a forthcoming event
I feel myself, a Disabled person, regarded as freakish as the fly - no context
The fly caused problems, it reminded me.

As a small child I was Disabled, a number of years later,
when I was around twelve, I had the first mental breakdown.
My psychological balance tilted too far - context invisible?
This manifested itself in various ways.
Once, I stayed by the back door.
Unable to enter the house, unable to move outside,
I stayed on the threshold of both worlds.
During this time flies entered my awareness.
I killed one (never again) and believed it haunted me, hunted me.
Crawling under doors, reusing to be dead, to drown in the toilet.
Gradually I would be edged into one room,
as the flies occupied each room in turn.
I sat still on a chair, until my family came home.
But aren't I still forced out,
kept on the threshold, the boundary - without context?

I wonder if non-disabled people are permanently incapable
of knowing they class me as a freak, as a dead fly
but I too refuse to be dead.
What causes them to be handicapped in this way?
A mind set, where, not knowing they have one,
they never question their attitude, except in the most superficial ways.
Pity, for instance.
They think 'hate' is wrong but 'pity' is okay.
With hate there is agreement that both parties have life, are not dead.
Pity just assumes
and waits assuming my complicity, my giving up the ghost
Will non-disabled people ever have the ability to understand
we are not freaks, not inferiors missing out on being them,
not in limbo waiting for death
but people, equals and vibrantly alive.
(with many contexts)


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